Ex-friends, ex-partners, ex-lovers, ex-boyfriends, ex-girlfriends, ex-spouse… whatever you call them, they all have a common “ex” that ads a certain negative stigma. When you refer to your “ex”, people automatically think of that person in a negative way, without having ever met them.
It annoys me to no end when people complain about their “ex”. Like we are all so perfect and the “ex” was 100% why you are no longer? (Well I don’t think I have to say it but obviously in extreme cases like abuse, etc, there is an exception). While I have my fair share of “ex” stories, at the end of the day, there was once something about that person that made me want to be around them.
Take ex-boyfriends. While we all had some sort of falling out which led to our breakup and there were things that we both grew to dislike about each other, I don’t look at those relationships as mistakes. I learned a lot about myself; I learned things I don’t like about myself which helped me change. I believe those breakups helped me grow into who I am today. I still think of them fondly.
When conversations about ex’s come up with friends, I do not talk about them in a negative way. What does that say about me? I’m the one who chose that person to be in my life, I’m the one who dedicated my time and energy. If that person was the awful a-hole that people automatically assume they were due to the “ex” status, then I must think pretty low of myself to have put that much time and energy into the relationship right? Plus, if that’s what I think of them, I can’t imagine how they think of me!
In fact, it’s quite the opposite. While the relationship didn’t last (some barely got out of the gate), I like to think back to what I liked about that person in the first place. Why I may have fallen in love with them. How they affected me in a positive way. What I learned from them that has stuck with me all these years. No regrets. No dwelling on where it went wrong. Just fondness for what went right.
Over the years, through the magic of Facebook, I have even reconnected with some ex’s (friends and relationships). While it’s just Facebook and not very personal, I absolutely love to see how they’ve grown as well. I am truly happy for them, for every good thing in their life. If I saw them on the street, I would absolutely say hi and catch up. I hope they would do the same.
To my ex’s – friends & boyfriends. I still care for you. If I loved you, I still do in a way. I don’t think that ever truly goes away. I am sorry for the dumb thing(s) I did to ruin us and I do not hold what you did against you. I am truly happy for all the good that has happened in your life. xo – J
Do you stay in touch with “ex’s”? Are you guilty of dwelling on the negative things that ended the relationship and forgetting about the good stuff?